You’ll never fail if you don’t try, so don’t try and you’ll never fail — With the New Year upon us, it’s time to start making resolutions that we’ll all inevitably break by 12:01 a.m. on January 1st. Here are some easy-peasy resolutions you can make and keep, even if you don’t want to. The key is in keeping them vague. …

Your forgotten New Years resolutions have some feelings to work out — Hi! Welcome to the Discarded New Year Resolution Support Group. You look like you’re new here, so why don’t you grab yourself some coffee and a donut, and fill out a name tag. Here’s a pen that Start a Personal Journal donated you can use. Ah, nice to meet you…

And why you should keep doing them — I’ve been married twice, so I know what pisses women off because I’ve been told by at least two of them daily. There are things I do that my wife hates but, somehow, I keep doing them. I feel this has made our bond stronger over time because it’s clear…

Do not operate heavy machinery after reading this — The gavel pounded the podium. “Okay,” Anxiety started. “I know we’re running a bit late, but it took me a while to come out on stage.” “HOW TYPICAL,” shouted Irritability from the back of the crowd. “I know, I know,” continued Anxiety, “But let’s get started.” “Get started with what?”…

No one said the book had to be good — If you’ve ever thought of writing a book, but weren’t sure how to go about doing it, I’m here today to help you out. I’ve written — or contributed to — seven published books, and over the years have raked in tens of dollars, so I know of what I…

A short horror story for parents — riiiiing “I’ll get it,” Rod said, quickly buckling his dress pants and realizing that he seriously needed to lose a few pounds. “DID THESE SHRINK?” he exclaimed. riiiiiing “No,” his wife said. “Get the phone!” She was, of course, referring to the phone in the other room. The town that…

Updating a classic for today’s world — That guy up there is reading a text from a girl he really likes that says, “Thanks for being a good friend.” Oh. Oh no. Back in 1975 when Paul Simon released “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover,” there was no such thing as putting someone into the friendzone via…

This might be tougher than you think — I’m a father of four. I also own a dog. Sometimes the similarities between the two are so glaring, I often forget who is who. …

Walking uphill both ways was the least of my problems — I’m a Gen-X’er. I had to Google that. I had no idea what generation I was, being born in 1968. I honestly didn’t know that there was a Generation Alpha until about five minutes ago. Up until then, I thought Generation Alpha was a sci-fi series on cable. I’d like…